The Value of Selfishness in Coaching

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The Value of Selfishness in Coaching

Young adult ringing a bell

Has anyone ever told you that you were “high maintenance”?

The first time someone told me that, I got defensive.

“Not me!”

“I don’t get weekly manicures…”

“…I barely wear make-up…”

“…and I don’t shop at Chanel.”

Young adult ringing a bell

Looking back at that defensive version of myself makes me realize…

…I did everything to prove to the world that I was the opposite of high maintenance.

…I tried soooo hard to be easy-going and low maintenance.

But that eventually turned into being everyone’s ‘servant’.

I found myself doing everything for others before I took care of myself.

Deep down…

…I resented it.

Being high maintenance is a big taboo for the coaching profession.

Don’t you coach to help and serve your clients?

Most coaches feel they need to be generous and selfless.

SELFLESSNESS is rewarded in our profession.

But that suggests a SELFISH COACH might be punished.

In fact, society has a litany of labels for people that take care of themselves

  • Selfish
  • Takers
  • Arrogant
  • Egocentric

So coaches who want to be helpful…

…often feel guilty when they try to take care of themselves.

So they try to put everyone else first…

…at their own expense.

But that selflessness doesn’t just cost YOU…

…it’s at the expense of those around you, too…

…and ultimately hurts clients you want to serve.

What if “selfish coaches” could still serve their clients?

What if “selfish coaches” could still serve the greater good?

Can you be a selfish coach and still make a huge impact?


…AND it’s essential to your success.


Fulfilling your own desires requires you to raise your standards.

And, by raising your own standard…

…you create the opportunity for your clients to raise THEIR standards.

If you demand more for yourself…

…you give permission for your clients to go after their dreams.

If you demand more for yourself…you give permission for your clients to go after their dreams.”

If you give more to yourself…

…then you have more to give.

Getting an extra hour of sleep…

…improves what you can give the next day.

Making more money…

…expands your resource base from which to contribute.

But, if your self-care levels are low…

…you won’t have much to give to your clients.

Plus, you won’t WANT to give, either.

It’s hard to be motivated when there’s nothing in it for you.

Think about it.

If all your needs are met…

…you’ll be driven to contribute.

…and you’ll be driven to grow even more.

Not from a place of trying to prove that you are worthy

…but because you know you have value

…and because you have the resources to do it.

Here’s how to become a “High Value” Coach through a little “High Maintenance”:


Believe in your own value.

Believe in your own value.”

Not for what you do… but because you have value by just being human.

Cinderella believed that she belonged at the ball BEFORE the fairy godmother transformed her outfit.


Take time to take care of yourself.

Pamper yourself so you look and feel your best. This includes

  • eating properly
  • sleeping
  • exercising
  • taking care of your health


Take time to take care of your spiritual and emotional needs.

Do things that make you feel good, and stop tolerating things that consistently make you feel lousy.


Commit to achieving some selfish things as a part of your self-actualization.

Actualized coaches become role models for their clients

…to follow in their footsteps.

WARNING: Don’t become a slave to self-care rituals. While self-care is essential, make sure you don’t turn it into another chore. Choose your moments carefully.

Low or high maintenance coach

The benefits of being a more selfish, high-maintenance coach?

  • You become more valuable to others.
  • You feel happy and ready to help.
  • You have more to give.
  • You become a role model.

The costs of being too much of a selfless, low-maintenance coach?

  • Resenting other people
  • Feeling broken inside
  • Being a warning of what NOT to do
  • Feeling emotionally exhausted

So, call me “selfish”.

Call me “High maintenance”.

I don’t care.

Because in my script…

…high maintenance is required for high value.

You are unique…

…one of a kind…

…and precious.

Make sure you treat yourself as you would a high-end car.

You’re a finely tuned machine that requires precision care.

Stop waiting for others to tell you that you’re valuable enough for some TLC…

Stop hoping for a ‘volunteer’ to take care of you

YOU take care of YOU.

Get the tune up you need and deserve…

…and THEN lead your clients to get what THEY deserve.

Colette “Selfish Coach” Coiner

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